Fiza Nadeem / Sialkot, Punjab, Pakistan
In Pakistan, modesty is too often reduced to a conversation about women’s clothing; is she covering herself up, wearing the hijab, or embodying a socially imposed notion of “chastity.” This framing not only places the entire burden of moral conduct on women but also distorts the broader Islamic concept of ḥayā’ (modesty), which is far more comprehensive and calls on men, first and foremost, to lower their gaze as part of their own responsibility.
In Islamic teachings, modesty is not a gendered obligation limited to attire; rather, it is a self-restraint, and moral conduct that applies equally to men and women. While women are repeatedly reminded to cover themselves, the parallel command for men is largely absent from mainstream discourse in Pakistan.
This selective interpretation has created an incomplete and imbalanced understanding of modesty, one that overlooks male accountability and sustains a culture where responsibility is disproportionately shifted onto women.
What Is Modesty, Really?
In Islam, the concept of modesty—ḥayā’—goes far beyond external appearance. As one prophetic teaching explains,
“Modesty is a branch of faith.” (Sahih Bukhari 9, Sahih Muslim 35).
Far from being a show of weakness, ḥayā’ is an internal restraint that reflects self-respect and reverence before God. It governs how you think, speak, and behave, both in private and public, and is the defining trait of Islam.
In mainstream Pakistani society, modesty has become synonymous with women’s attire. The salwar kameez with a dupatta or hijab, the niqab, or even the burqa in more conservative regions is widely seen as a woman’s sole responsibility.
Formal pushback has come and gone; for instance, during Zia-ul-Haq’s Islamization, female state employees and students were required to veil, though these mandates were later reversed.
Yet, this fixation on the female body ignores that modesty is also an inward, ethical code, and one that Islamic texts instruct both genders to observe.
Modesty applies equally to both genders, and the injunction to men comes first. The Quran is clear: both believing men and women are commanded to lower their gaze and protect their chastity:
“Tell believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty…” (Quran 24:30)
“…and tell believing women to do likewise…” (Quran 24:31)
Scholars such as Dr. Fathi Osman clarified that modest dressing is required from both men and women, and that even male bodies (muscles, shape, etc.) should not be displayed with attraction in mind.
The Prophet ﷺ also said:
“The second glance is forbidden.” (Tirmidhi) – meaning a man may accidentally see a woman, but a second, deliberate gaze is sinful.
“Every religion has its characteristics, and the characteristic of Islam is modesty.” (Ibn Majah)
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What Is Male Modesty?
While women are instructed to cover their adornments, men are given a parallel role with inward and outward implications. Men must lower their gaze, avoid objectifying speech, and guard their own bodies (in terms of dress and intention) from stimulating immorality.
In Islam, the male modesty framework includes:
- Lowering the gaze to avoid lust or improper intent.
- Guarding chastity through controlled behavior and respectful interaction.
- Dressing modestly (e.g., covering from navel to knees) to avoid display of attraction.
- Respectful conduct in speech and intention, avoiding flirtation or objectification.
Yet in Pakistan, awareness and cultural acceptance of male modesty remain thin. The dialogue persists as though modesty belongs only to women.
Statistics & Case Studies
A study by UN Women revealed that 97% of Pakistani women reported experiencing harassment in public spaces. This harassment included persistent staring, unsolicited comments, following women, and invading personal space.
What this shows is that men’s refusal to lower their gaze turns ordinary tasks into experiences of constant fear and vigilance.
Women carry this psychological burden daily, often adopting self-policing behaviors like altering routes, avoiding outings after dark, or changing how they dress, not because of personal choice, but out of survival.
The Aurat Foundation’s 2019 report on workplace harassment adds another dimension. Over 70% of cases involved men staring, making lewd comments, or deliberately following women.
This kind of harassment is often dismissed as “small” or “non-physical.” But in reality, persistent staring and unwanted comments create a toxic professional environment.
Women report feeling unsafe to speak up in meetings, hesitant to stay late for work, and reluctant to apply for certain jobs because harassment is normalized as “harmless male behavior.”
Perhaps the most glaring example of collective male immodesty occurred on August 14, 2021, at Minar-e-Pakistan. A female TikTok influencer, accompanied by friends, was mobbed and assaulted by hundreds of men in broad daylight while recording a video.
This was not a case of one man failing to control his gaze, it was a societal breakdown where hundreds of men reduced a woman to prey. Videos circulated globally, staining Pakistan’s reputation and igniting debates on whether women’s clothing, visibility, or independence “invite” harassment.
But the truth was plain: the woman was clothed, in public, in a crowd. The incident reflected male entitlement and lack of restraint, not female impropriety.
Psychological & Social Dimensions
One of the most damaging consequences of this reductionist view is the normalization of victim-blaming. Women who experience harassment are frequently told, “You must have provoked it”, even if they are fully covered.
Cases in Pakistan repeatedly show that even schoolgirls in uniform, women in burqas, or elderly women are harassed. Yet, the narrative still circles back to the idea that it was somehow the victim’s fault.
This framing absolves men of accountability. Instead of interrogating why men fail to control their eyes or actions, the burden is shifted to women:
“Don’t wear this,”
“Don’t go out alone,”
“Don’t speak too loudly.”
The result is a culture where women live in constant defensive mode, while men are rarely challenged to reflect on their own conduct.
When men are never taught that modesty applies to them, they internalize the belief that staring, commenting, or even following women is “natural male behavior.” Society normalizes it with phrases like “boys will be boys.”
This excusal of men from exercising self-control creates a cycle where harassment is not only tolerated but expected. In effect, modesty becomes a one-way demand placed on women, while men are encouraged to indulge their gaze without consequence.
Such double standards cultivate a social environment where respect for women is conditional, and male dominance remains unchallenged.
Impact on Women’s Mental Health
Psychological research, particularly Objectification Theory (Fredrickson & Roberts, 1997), demonstrates that constant exposure to the male gaze leads to chronic self-monitoring. Women become hyper-aware of how they look, sit, walk, and dress, because they know they are being watched.
Women report higher levels of anxiety, stress, and depression when they are persistently objectified. Over time, it chips away at self-esteem and limits aspirations, as women internalize the belief that their value lies primarily in their appearance rather than in their intellect or skills.
In Pakistan, this manifests in practical ways:
- Female students report difficulty participating confidently in mixed classrooms.
- Many women avoid certain professions (e.g., media, law enforcement, or sales) because of harassment fears.
- Women in public spaces often experience anticipatory anxiety, altering their behavior to minimize male attention.
Social Ripple Effects
The consequences are not limited to individual women. When half of the population is burdened with anxiety and restricted mobility, society as a whole suffers.
Women’s participation in the workforce drops, gender inequality widens, and social trust erodes. It enforces a gender hierarchy where women’s freedom is curtailed while men’s misconduct is normalized.
Current Male Mentality in Pakistan
Across Pakistan, it is common to hear men insist that women should observe hijab, wear abayas, or limit their visibility in public. Yet these very men often place no restrictions on themselves.
In gyms, parks, or even on social media, they proudly flaunt tight shirts, styled haircuts, and flashy accessories. Instagram and TikTok are filled with young men posting bold selfies, flexing muscles, and showing off their lifestyles; actions that would be condemned if women engaged in similar self-expression.
This double standard demonstrates that modesty is not being treated as a shared Islamic principle, but rather as a control mechanism imposed selectively on women.
The contradiction becomes sharper when looking at broader statistics. Surveys consistently show that a large percentage of men believe harassment occurs “because women dress improperly.”
Yet, Pakistan also ranks among the top global consumers of pornography (Google Trends, 2019), despite pornography being illegal in the country. This suggests a glaring paradox:
men who preach “Islamic modesty” in public often indulge in behaviors in private that directly contradict those very values.
Instead of practicing the Qur’anic command of lowering the gaze, many men normalize behaviors such as:
- Staring at women in markets, universities, or public transport.
- Catcalling and making unsolicited comments in streets and neighborhoods.
- Consuming women’s content on TikTok, Instagram, or YouTube, then ridiculing those same women as “immodest.”
This culture of objectification is so normalized that it often goes unchallenged, even by educated or religious men. The idea of modesty becomes selectively applied: men see themselves as guardians of morality while indulging in immodest acts under the protection of anonymity or peer approval.
In public discourse, sermons, and even family conversations, modesty is reduced to a female duty, while men are portrayed as naturally weak or incapable of self-restraint. The result is a society where women carry the moral burden, while men enjoy moral impunity.
Reclaiming a Balanced Understanding of Ḥayā’
To break this cycle, concrete steps must be taken across social, educational, and familial institutions.
Education & Sermons
Religious education must expand beyond its selective lens. In many mosques, sermons heavily emphasize Surah An-Nur (24:31):
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof, and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.”
while often neglecting the equally important verse before it, Surah An-Nur (24:30):
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.”
When men are taught that modesty begins with them, the social discourse itself will begin to shift.
Policy & Awareness Campaigns
Universities should introduce awareness campaigns about gaze accountability, respectful interaction, and harassment prevention that place equal responsibility on men.
Workplaces should develop gender-sensitive policies that educate men about subtle forms of immodesty, such as staring, inappropriate comments, or unwanted online behavior.
Family & Parenting
Cultural change begins at home. Too often, parents discipline daughters on how to dress or behave but neglect to instruct sons on self-control, humility, and the ethics of modesty.
Parents must teach boys from a young age that modesty is not limited to women; it involves gaze control, respectful interaction, and curbing entitlement..
Mothers and daughters should challenge double standards openly, and refuse to carry the burden of modesty alone.
When families normalize shared modesty, children grow up seeing it not as a “female obligation,” but as a human virtue.
True ḥayā’ requires balance. It demands that both genders share responsibility:
- women in how they present themselves, and
- men in how they perceive and interact with others.
Without men lowering their gaze, women will always bear the unfair weight of cultural morality, trapped in cycles of judgment and objectification.
